


Being a dick to children is a slippery slope that leads to saying "I love you"

by SparklingOrange



Series: I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure what you're suffering from is called "unconditional love" [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Anxiety, Changed the rating to teen bc of all the cussin' and also the briefest possible mention of alcohol, Character Study, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparklingOrange/pseuds/SparklingOrange
Summary: Taako looks down to find the kid already asleep, nose squished up against Taako’s shirt. He’s breathing softly through his mouth like a fish, which somehow manages to be adorable. Disgusting.“Some apprentice you are, dipping out right when I need you,” Taako mutters, but his chest is swelling with a weird, not-quite-painful-but-definitely-unnatural feeling. It’s like pressure, or weight, but it makes him feel light. It’s the same feeling he got the first time Angus executed a flawless Mage Hand. Not pride, not fondness, but not...not those things. Something more complicated.He doesn’t want to analyze it, so he doesn’t. Instead, he slouches into a more comfortable position, wrapping his arms tighter around Angus so the boy detective doesn’t slide off his lap.--Taako works through his trauma/emotional constipation and tries to deal with his newfound parental feelings towards Angus.Companion toRepression is a slippery slope that leads to emotions. Hopefully this works as a standalone, but I would still strongly recommend reading that one first.
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Everyone, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Angus McDonald, Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Kravitz & Angus McDonald, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone), Lup & Angus McDonald, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone), Magnus Burnsides & Angus McDonald, The Director | Lucretia & Angus McDonald
Series: I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure what you're suffering from is called "unconditional love" [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865701
Comments: 71
Kudos: 166





	1. Heartwarming orphans. It's a trap!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Like the Chilean miners, emerging from the depths... I'm back, baybee.

It is a dark day. The world is ending—well, it was ending, and then they stopped that from happening, but it might as well still be ending because he, Taako from TV, has just realized that he has maybe developed...emotional attachment. Of the familial variety. To a little dweeb who solves mysteries. It’s not his fault. The boy wonder has somehow wormed his way into Taako’s life like an infestation of bugs you just can’t get rid of. By the time Taako realized what was happening, it was already too late. 

Caring about people is so embarrassing. Especially when those people are overeager toddlers that trot along after him like an especially-devoted puppy. If he’s lucky, he can play it off and ignore it until the uncomfortable surges of affection and protectiveness go away. Or until he dies. Whichever comes first. Either way, he just hopes no one else finds out about this. 

* * *

Lup knows immediately. Of course she does. Even after one of them had their memory wiped and the other was jammed into an umbrella for over a decade, they know each other better than they know themselves. 

Taako is filling her in on the adventures and misadventures she’s missed by being inside the aforementioned umbrella. There was a moment after the battle where he considered joining in the cleanup efforts, but he made eye contact with his sister (his _sister!_ ) and decided fuck it, he just saved the world. He’s earned a bit of slacking off. Now they’re locked in Taako’s room, sitting across from each other with their ankles tangled together (how that’s possible when one of them is incorporeal, Taako isn’t sure, but he’s not going to question it), catching each other up on their time apart. 

There’s a lot to process. If Taako cries during the course of their conversation, well, no one needs to know. He’s got an image to uphold, after all. 

They’ve made it through the worst of the emotions (yuck), and Taako is in full dramatic storytelling mode. Lup keeps getting a weird look on her face, and Taako knows she has picked up on something, something that she will most likely weaponize against him in the future. Taako also knows that if he ignores her looks hard enough, he might be able to divert her attention with his fabulous anecdotes and stave off the potential mockery for a bit longer. 

He’s recounting some minor incident from one of his training sessions with Angus, embellishing here and there to make it more entertaining, making sure to play up what a brilliant, talented wizard he is and how generous it was for him to deign to help Angus. “I finally told the little goober some lie about spell slots just to keep him from burning himself out. The nerd would have kept practicing all night long. Would have given himself calluses from holding the wand, probably. The boy has no concept of his own limits.” 

Lup laughs. “You’re really soft on the kid, huh?” Her eyes are fond, and oh, fuck. That’s what the looks were about. Of course she zeroed in on his weird, complicated Angus feelings in no time flat. 

“What? No. Pssh,” Taako tries, already mentally accepting defeat. “Me? Soft? For the snot-nosed little...the uh. The dumb baby? No.” 

“You totally are,” Lup says. “Can’t believe you went and got yourself a child. You’re basically a parent!” 

“I’m fucking not! Shut the fuck up!” 

“You, Taako Taaco, actually care about the wellbeing of a human child,” Lup crows. “I leave for two seconds and this is what I come back to!” 

“Try twelve years,” Taako grumbles, looking down.

“Yeah.” Lup goes quiet. “Taako, I’m really sorry—” 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Taako leans in for a hug, Lup’s spectral arms coming up to meet him automatically. 

“I know that, dingus, but I’m sorry for my part in it. I’m sorry for how it turned out.”

They’re quiet. When they move on, Lup lets the Angus thing go. Taako’s no dummy, though. She’s latched onto this now. When things have quieted down a bit and they’re both less emotional, there will be no escape from her teasing. 

Taako thinks maybe he should be annoyed that she can read him so easily. Not even a day ago, the feeling of being so _known_ would have skeezed him out to no end and sent him into a frenzy. He’d have had to burn off his fingerprints and fake his own death to get away from whoever had gotten too close. Now, he thinks he might cry from the sheer relief. 

* * *

Later, much later, Taako jolts out of a doze to find himself on the common room couch, wedged between his sleeping boyfriend and his sister. Barry dozes on the other side of Lup, and he can hear Magnus and Merle snoring not far away. 

He doesn’t know what woke him at first, until he spies Angus hovering by the door as though unsure of his welcome. Taako is still mostly asleep when he jerks his head to call Angus over, but he doesn’t miss the way the kid’s eyes widen slightly or the excited little hop he does as he makes his way across the room. _Dork._

“We did it, sir,” Angus whispers, still looking dazed. 

Taako smiles. He can’t blame the kid for being a little out of it. “We sure did, mijo,” he mumbles, then freezes. Shit, did he really just call Angus…? Lup must have really gotten in his head earlier. 

Oh gods, Lup. Without looking, he knows his sister heard and is about to make a Comment. Probably several, all embarrassing as hell. He elbows her, silently imploring her to leave it alone. “Scootch,” he says, hoping she gets the implied “please not now, not in front of the kid, not when I already have so many new feelings to deal with today” in his tone. 

She shoots him the briefest look of understanding, so fast that no one besides Taako would ever be able to catch it, and makes a show of moving fully onto Barry’s lap. Thank goodness for sisters.

The worst part? Taako can’t even find it in himself to worry about saving face because all he cares about right now is getting a hug from Angus. Shit. He wants to hold the kid and reassure himself that Angus is ok, maybe subtly check over him for injuries one more time. Like some sort of _sap_ who cares about people! Lup was right about him, and everything is horrible, and at this very moment he doesn’t even care because the only important thing is that they all survived the battle. They’re here, and he thought he’d never get to do another magic lesson with Angus, but now he will, and the feeling of relief that hits him as he realizes that fact would bowl him over if he wasn’t already sitting down. 

He blinks. Angus is still standing by the couch, shifting his weight from foot to foot and looking like he’s not sure what to do next despite the obvious invitation to fill the space vacated by Lup. When Taako looks at him, really looks at him, it’s clear that Angus is exhausted. Kid had a long day. No wonder his brain juices aren’t entirely flowing. Taako takes pity on him, gesturing with one hand and reaching out to help pull Angus into the empty spot. 

After another moment of blank staring, Angus gets the hint. “O-oh, are you sure, sir?” Angus’ gaze darts nervously from Taako to Lup and back again. “I didn’t mean to bother—” 

Jeezy Creezy, always so considerate. “Agnes. I’m too tired for this,” Taako cuts him off, going for cool and aloof and definitely nothing in the vicinity of parental. “Get up here or don’t, bubbeleh, makes no difference to me.” Gotta have that plausible deniability.

Lup leans over and whispers, “Are you sure? Because it seems like you really want to snuggle with _tu hijo_.” 

Face burning, Taako smacks her away. Of course, his hand goes straight through her, so the effect is somewhat diminished. 

She just laughs. “C’mon, Angus,” she says, thankfully taking her attention away from Taako for the time being. “It’s nap time. Join the party.” 

Angus hops onto the couch, sitting stiffly between the two elves. Automatically, Taako reaches out and situates Angus on his lap, only realizing after the fact that this is not going to help his case with Lup. 

When he glances over, she and Barry are both laughing softly. Traitors. “Can’t believe he calls you sir,” Lup whispers, mercifully passing over the hundred other things she could say about this whole situation. 

“Shut up,” Taako shoots back, trying his best to kick her spectral form and freezing when Kravitz stirs. Luckily, after the exhausting day he’d had, Taako’s boyfriend is sleeping like, well, the dead, and he doesn’t fully wake. 

“I mean, you, sir. Has he met you?” 

“Rude, I’m a very dignified wizard deserving of respect.” 

“I’ve seen you trip on your dignified wizard robes and fall flat on your face,” Lup says. 

“Shut up, you don’t get to use your twin knowledge against me,” Taako declares, feigning outrage. “You’ve been around me more than anyone else, so you have an unfair advantage. Incidents that occurred in private and things I told you in confidence are not fair game!” 

“I’ve seen you shovel an entire package of fantasy mac n’ cheese into your face at 3 in the morning, straight out of the pot,” Barry deadpans, cutting off whatever protest Lup was about to make. “You hissed at me when I tried to take your spoon away.” He holds up a hand to accept Lup’s high five. 

“You both suck. Ango, back me up here. I’m the coolest guy you know, right?” 

There’s no response. To his surprise, Taako looks down to find the kid already asleep, nose squished up against Taako’s shirt. He’s breathing softly through his mouth like a fish, which somehow manages to be adorable. Disgusting. 

“Some apprentice you are, dipping out right when I need you,” Taako mutters, but his chest is swelling with a weird, not-quite-painful-but-definitely-unnatural feeling. It’s like pressure, or weight, but it makes him feel light. It’s the same feeling he got the first time Angus executed a flawless Mage Hand. Not pride, not fondness, but not...not those things. Something more complicated. 

He doesn’t want to analyze it, so he doesn’t. Instead, he slouches into a more comfortable position, wrapping his arms tighter around Angus so the boy detective doesn’t slide off his lap. The kid’s going through a growth spurt, and it’s already harder to hold him. 

Taako sighs. He will deal with all his strange new emotions tomorrow. Or never, hopefully. For now, it’s been the longest imaginable day, and he’s going to follow Angus’ lead and zonk out as fast as possible. 

* * *

“Alright, what the fuck is up with you and Mr. Boy Detective?” 

“Hello to you, too.” Taako doesn’t turn around from where he’s yanking clothes out of his closet, tossing them into piles and boxes at random. He knows he needs to pack up his room on the moonbase at some point, but so far the muse has not granted him motivation to do it properly. He’s mostly just been shuffling things around, poking at his task like a picky kid moving peas around his plate. 

“Greetings and salutations, dearest brother. What the fuck is up with you and Angus?” Lup closes the door behind her and moves beside Taako, using Mage Hand to tug a dress off its hanger and drape it over his bed frame. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Taako tries, studying the pattern on a shawl and running his hands through the fringe. 

Lup sighs, throwing a hat across the room like a frisbee before floating down to sit on the floor and starting to fold silk scarves. “I mean, first of all, you hate kids.” 

“Incorrect! I am ambivalent to kids, and also everything else, because as a very cool wizard I’m above it all.” 

“Taako, when we were younger, you referred to other children our age as ‘soggy disease vectors.’” 

“Not my fault they didn’t practice basic hygiene.” 

Lup adds another scarf to her neat stack. “When we were on Tesseralia, you rated Magnus’ peewee rebound team based on how puntable the players were.” 

“Yes, and?” 

“You gave them all at least a ten out of ten. Some got bonus puntable points, which should not even be possible.” 

“Deborah had a shrill voice! It made me want to kick her a lot, sue me.” Taako cracks a smile, looking over his shoulder. 

“My point is,” Lup says, starting a new stack of folded scarves when the first one begins to teeter, “you hate kids, and yet you voluntarily gave Angus magic lessons.” 

“Whatever, it was boring between missions,” Taako says, throwing more scarves at Lup. They flutter to the ground long before reaching her. “I was just killing time.” 

“You are the laziest motherfucker I know, but you gave up your precious free time for him,” Lup states. 

“Again, there’s not a lot to do on the moon.” 

“Cut the shit, Taaks. I was with you the whole time in the umbrella, remember? I know you care about the kid. I want to know why you’re being weird about it.” 

“Who’s being weird? I’m not being weird.” 

“You’re being so weird. I know you’re allergic to emotions and stuff, but why can’t you just admit you like having the kid around? Even to me?” Her voice is gentle, prodding but not demanding. Taako knows if he looked at her, she’d be making that serious “I’m listening” face. He suddenly realizes she’s not asking because she wants to know, at least not entirely. She’s an incorrigible gossip, but right now she’s pushing him because she knows he needs to talk some things through. Sneaky bastard.

Taako sighs, finally turning and flopping onto the floor next to Lup. At least she waited until they were alone to have this conversation. He stares at the ceiling for a moment, trying to gather the thoughts he’s been successfully ignoring up until now. Where to even start? “I don’t know, it’s just. Well, you know how it is. With us.” Taako fiddles with the pompom on a slipper that found its way near him. “Moving around all the time, getting passed from relative to relative, traveling with caravans.” 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“And then when we finally got out of that life, we were on the Starblaster, and it was a new place every cycle, and everybody we’d known on the planet before was just dust,” Taako continues. “Whether or not we found the Light, they were gone from us forever, so that year was all we had together.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And, you know, well. Maybe you don’t. But uh, before I joined the Bureau, I was doing lots of traveling, kinda like when we were kids. Never, uh, never put down roots.” 

“Mmhmm.” 

“My point is, I don’t think I’ve ever been somewhere for like, forever. People have always been...disposable, you know?” It sounds terrible, but he knows Lup knows what he means. “Like, if I fucked up and did something bad or embarrassing, it didn’t matter because it was only a matter of time before I moved on and no one would be around who remembered me doing that thing.” 

“Right,” Lup says, nodding a little. “We never had to do the hard work that comes with relationships because by the time things got past the surface level pleasantries, it was time to dip.” 

Taako nods, shaking his pointer finger at her for emphasis. “Yeah, and it was never worth it to do that hard work anyway. Except with the IPRE crew, but you know, that’s different.” 

“Yeah.” 

“But now we’re here forever, right? Like, probably. In some capacity.” Just saying it makes his heart race a little. 

“Sure.” 

“And people aren’t disposable.” 

“No, they are not.” 

“So what happens if I fuck up?” 

Lup inhales through her nose. “Well, Taako, then you just have to make it right. You have to decide it’s worth the effort, and you have to make the choice to stick around and do the work.” 

They’re quiet for a long time. Then: “I think I fucked up a lot with Angus.” 

She doesn’t say anything, just raises an eyebrow and waits for him to continue. 

“I was such a dick to him when we first met. I mean, more than my usual witty repartee.” 

She hums in acknowledgement, still not saying anything, just letting him talk himself out. 

“I didn’t realize I might not want him to be disposable. And he made me uncomfortable, being all earnest all the time. I don’t know.” A pause. “I stole his silverware.” 

Another eyebrow raise. 

“He didn’t deserve the way I treated him,” Taako admits. “And I guess I’m just waiting for him to come to his senses and hold me accountable for all the shit I put him through. Or to go latch onto someone else.” _Someone more deserving,_ Taako doesn’t say, but he knows Lup catches his meaning. 

“Have you told Angus all this?” Lup has moved on to transferring her scarf stacks into a box, carefully pressing them down so they all fit. 

“Pfft, no, are you kidding?” Taako is still messing with the slipper pompom. “I’m not gonna just spill my guts like this to anyone. Especially the little twerp.” 

“Ok, well. It might be a good idea to start with an apology.” 

“Gross. No. Taako doesn’t apologize to nothing or nobody.” 

Lup puts her head in her hands and leaves it there for a long moment. When she looks up, she fixes Taako with an expression that says _I’m not mad, just disappointed._

Taako sticks his tongue out at her. 

“Angus isn’t going to leave you,” Lup says, matter-of-fact, like she’s sure it’s true. Taako’s breath catches just hearing her say it. “The kid loves you. It takes about two seconds to see that he worships the ground you walk on.” 

“As he should,” Taako mumbles. 

Lup throws a sweater at his head. “The kid is sticking around. Are you?” 

Taako shrugs, then nods. 

“Ok, then what are you going to do to make it right with Angus?” 

Taako shrugs again. 

Lup lets out a long exhale. Taako should have been keeping a count of how many put-upon sighs this conversation has wrung out of his sister. “Well, you can’t change how you acted in the past. All you can control is how you act now.” 

Taako rolls his eyes. “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery? Live in the moment? Really? That’s what we’re going with?” 

Lup throws another sweater at him. This one has sequins. It kind of hurts. “I know you’re being difficult because you’re uncomfortable with emotions, but this is exactly the kind of thing you probably want to avoid with Angus in the future.” 

“Ugh.” 

“Maybe try just, like, not actively bullying the kid.” 

“Ugggggghhh.” 

“Light ribbing is ok. No silverware theft, though.” 

“You drive a hard bargain.” Taako sits up straighter. “When did you get so wise?” 

“Hmmm.” Lup taps her finger on her chin as though in deep thought. “Probably after we ate those weird mushrooms in Cycle 72. I swear, those things like, expanded my consciousness.” 

Taako throws the sequin sweater back at her. It passes harmlessly through her torso. “Hey, for real, I needed that,” he says, trying for sincerity for once. His sister always did know exactly how to help him, even better than he himself knew. Gods, he’s missed her so much. All that time, he hadn’t even known how much of a gap was in his life. How did he do it without her? “Thanks, Lulu,” he says, trying to put his full, complex meaning behind his words. 

He can tell she knows what he means. She always knows. 

She grins and flips him off. “Don’t fucking call me that, Koko.” 

* * *

In the days that follow, Taako tries his best to take Lup’s advice. He doesn’t wholly succeed in being nice to Angus, but he thinks the kid knows his teasing is all in good fun. He tries to wrap his mind around the idea of being attached to people, and he doesn’t succeed in that all the way either. He catches himself having those thoughts about leaving everything behind, before remembering that, no, that’s not the plan anymore. 

He formally asks Kravitz to move in with him (and isn’t that an awkward conversation? Being vulnerable is the worst), and then it’s a flurry of house hunting and more disorganized packing. Kravitz gamely goes along with his specifications, reminding Taako that he’s lived in the Astral Plane for the last few centuries, so it makes very little difference to him what kind of cabinets the bathroom has. He laughs at Taako’s outlandish choices, noting that each house they look at is bigger than the last. 

“You know this isn’t just about me being a flamboyant gay wizard with expensive taste, right?” Taako finally asks, oddly nervous. “I’m kind of a package deal. I have a big family, and I just got them all back, so it’s kind of. Important. To me. That we have space for them.”

“Taako,” Kravitz starts, but Taako keeps talking as though he hasn’t heard him. 

“And I know they can all be a lot. I mean, shit, I think I basically have a kid now.” 

“Taako.” 

“Are you ok with that? I know you didn’t sign up for—”

“Taako!”

“What, homie?” 

Kravitz is laughing a little. “I knew your family was part of the bargain when I agreed to move in with you.” 

“Oh.” 

“I mean, it will probably be a little weird living with Lup and Barry since I’m sort of their boss, but we’ll make it work. As for Angus...well, I haven’t spent much time with him, but he seems to be pretty great.” 

Holy shit, he just told Kravitz he has a kid. He’s never said that out loud before, not even to Lup. Not even to himself. “He is,” Taako says. “The greatest.” It comes out easily, as if Taako is used to dropping casual praise. 

“Then I can’t wait to get to know him.” 

When they settle on a house at last, Taako prattles to anyone who will listen about the kitchen island and the top-of-the-line fantasy oven already installed. Kravitz is the only one who knows what Taako’s face looked like when he noticed the reading nook in one of the upstairs bedrooms, or how he fake-casually asked Kravitz if he thought a desk would look good against that wall there, or the way he ran his hand along the built-in bookshelves muttering about Caleb Cleveland novels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to sound like a broken record, but I have to give another tremendous thank-you to everyone who left comments and kudos on my other fic. Some of y'all bookmarked it and left nice tags on the bookmarks?? Boi I die ! ! It was so wonderfully overwhelming to be off AO3 for a while and then come back to see how many of you had read and commented on my writing in the interim. Please, if you do nothing else today, leave a comment on a fic you like. It doesn't have to be this one. Just go spread the love! It means a lot to your writer friends.
> 
> Update schedule? Who is she? My hope is to get the rest of this out pretty soon, but the best laid plans of mice and men and all that. This fic WILL be completed, I just...don't know when. It's a mystery. ;)


	2. I never truly understood genuine human connection until I encountered a little boy who never shuts the fuck up about mysteries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy smokes, y'all. You are so kind and wonderful and your comments have been making my entire week! Thank you so much!

Now that Lup has made him examine his feelings once, it’s like the floodgates have opened and he can’t fucking stop. It’s super annoying. 

He claimed Angus as his kid, and it seems like he was right because Angus followed him down from the moonbase and settled into the life Taako’s building planetside like it’s nothing. He’s there in the mornings to wolf down Taako’s pancakes, and he comes bursting through the back door in the afternoons to show Taako a weird frog he found in the creek or a new spell he’s learned from Lup. At night, he gives Taako a big crushing hug before heading off to bed in the room just down the hall from Taako and Kravitz’s master bedroom. 

It’s nice. It’s more than nice, and Taako has to squash down the fear that it’s all going to get ripped away again. This life, this permanence, seems too good to be true. Taako has had a lifetime of instability, and old habits die hard. 

But they defeated the Hunger, once and for all. Taako can learn math now (not that he particularly wants to). He can buy a house with the people he loves and see it as an investment for the future. He can leave for the day and trust that his family will be there when he gets back. That he’ll _remember_ his family when he gets back. 

It’s not flawless. There are plenty of times he listens to the panic that lives in the back of his mind, gives himself a stomach ache thinking about the myriad ways this could all go wrong. But then Lup will give him a smile or Kravitz will squeeze his hand and he can breathe again. Over time, the voice of that panic gets quieter and easier to ignore. 

They defeated the Hunger, and now they get to rebuild the world together into something better and brighter. When he looks at Angus laughing in the sunlight, he wants to devote every moment to that work. He stayed and fought the Hunger in no small part because he wanted Angus to have a chance at survival. Now he will fight just as fiercely to make sure the kid gets to grow up in a world that is safe, and kind, and beautiful. Angus deserves nothing less. 

Angus is so good. He’s sweet and curious and so funny it knocks Taako out sometimes. He’s spunky and clever in a way that reminds Taako of himself and Lup when they were younger, and Taako is tempted to write off his affection for the kid as that: nostalgia, a sense of kinship. But the truth is, it’s where Angus is dissimilar to Taako that he truly shines. 

He’s good-hearted, always looking for the best in everyone despite making a career of sussing out people’s hidden motivations and criminal actions. He loves easily and openly in a way that Taako has never been able to manage. And, though Taako would never say this to his face, he’s a million times smarter than Taako ever was. 

Taako knows he can’t take credit for the way Angus is—not like he’s had a big hand in his upbringing, really. Nonetheless, he’s so proud of Angus. The kid has the brightest of futures ahead of him, and for whatever reason, he’s decided to let Taako be around to bear witness to it. 

Taako gets that weird chest-swelling sensation basically every time he looks at Angus these days. He knows now that it’s love, probably, mixed with being...honored. He’s honored and grateful that he’s been entrusted with this precious, fragile thing. 

It’s pretty much the greatest feeling he’s ever known. It’s also thoroughly, crushingly terrifying. 

He used to be just a simple idiot wizard. Now, he’s...still a simple idiot wizard, but a simple idiot wizard who is kind of in charge of a whole human person? What the fuck. 

Angus looks up to him and sees him as an adult with his shit together. Well, mostly (the kid never hesitates to roast him for his terrible life choices). And technically, Taako is an adult. He’s centuries old. But he’s never been _the_ adult in the room. Now it’s like he’s supposed to take care of this kid, protect him, make sure he gets three square meals and brushes his teeth before bed every night. Who decided this was allowed? Who says he’s even remotely qualified for this job? 

He’s never felt this kind of responsibility before. Moreover, he’s never cared so much about something he’s been responsible for. If the kid beefs it, or grows up all maladjusted, or gets a tragically ugly haircut, Taako will feel bad because it will be sort of his fault. But he will also feel bad because he doesn’t want Angus to be hurt? What the fuck is happening? 

When he tries to articulate all this to Lup, she laughs in his face. “Taako, you were one of seven people in charge of saving the multiverse. You’re gonna look at me and tell me you’ve never experienced a responsibility you cared about?” 

She has a point. Being almost solely responsible for keeping everyone on every plane in every planar system from crumbling into oblivion carries with it some inherent weight. And yes, ok, he spent a century building a family with his crewmates. The ship literally ran on the strength of their bonds, for crying out loud. Obviously he’s cared about people before, even without taking into account Lup and their freaky strong twin bond. But…

“It’s different!” he bursts out after a long moment of incomprehensible blustering. “It’s just different, ok? 

She smirks. “I knew you had it bad. Even in the umbrella, I could tell you had gone all mushy for the kid.” She shakes her head in mock disapproval. “Absolutely disgraceful.” 

Taako sighs. “Tell me about it.” 

“Hey,” Lup says, hovering a ghostly hand on his shoulder, “this is a good thing, right? Unexpected, sure. I never would have pinned you as the dad type.” 

“Me neither,” Taako bursts out, waving his hands for emphasis. “That’s the problem! I never saw this coming, and now I have no idea what to do!” 

Lup shrugs. “Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. It seems to be working so far.” 

“But what if I—”

“Fuck it up?” She rolls her eyes. 

“Yeah, that.” 

“Then you ask for help, dingus. You have a whole houseful of people to lean on.” She smiles, and it’s not the mocking smirk he expected. “If nothing else, you have me. I’ve always wanted to be the cool aunt.” 

Taako smiles for a moment before a look of dawning horror crosses his face. “Oh my gods, Lup. We are to Angus what Auntie was to us. I’m the guardian here.” 

“Yeah, you nincompoop, I thought that’s what this whole conversation was about,” Lup says, thumping Taako on the forehead—or what would have been a thump, but ended up being her transparent finger phasing through his eyebrow. 

“I know, I know, I just.” Taako is sinking to the floor, back against the wall. “I hadn’t thought of it that way. Lup, I still feel like I need Auntie’s help half the time. How is this even possible?” 

“You got old, I don’t know what to tell you. C’mon, get up. I need your help planning out the vegetable garden.” 

“Ugh, dirt. No, thank you. Get Merle to do it.” 

“You don’t want to have a say in what veggies we’ll have fresh for cooking? What if all he plants is fantasy weed?” 

Taako glowers for a moment before pushing himself off the floor with a dramatic sigh. “Fine.” 

Lup laughs. “For the record,” she says as they head down the hall, “I think you’re doing a great job as a guardian. I bet Auntie was unsure of herself every once in a while, too. You’ll figure it out.” 

Taako hopes so. He knows he can be sort of a trash bag of a person sometimes, but it’s different now. He’ll be better. In fact, he’ll be the best guardian in the planar system. For Angus.

* * *

“Whatcha workin’ on, little man?” Taako snorts when Angus jolts in surprise, dropping his pencil. 

“Oh, hello, sir!” Angus bends to pick up the pencil from where it rolled under the kitchen table, clutching his fancyboy hat to keep it in place as he shoots up. “I was just doing some drawing.” 

“No kidding? You like to draw?” 

“Well, it’s a good skill for a detective to have. Sketching crime scenes and suspects, recording copies of evidence, you know.” 

“Right. I’m sure Calvin Coolidge is a great artist.” 

“Sir, I know you know it’s Caleb Cleveland.” Angus pushes his glasses up his nose. “And as a matter of fact, Caleb takes art lessons in book twelve! It’s a major plot point, actually, because his teacher turns out to be—”

“Ah-ah-ah! No spoilers!” Taako flings his hands up to cover his ears and shoots Angus a dirty look. 

Angus furrows his eyebrows. “Sir, are you actually going to read the books?” 

“Well, you gave me that first one for Candlenights, so I figured I might as well read the rest.” Taako examines his nails, proud of himself for squashing the immediate, instinctual urge to brush Angus off and insult his taste in literature. 

It takes Angus a moment to process. “Sir, you...read the book I gave you?” 

“Chyeah. Not like there was a lot else to read up on the moon. It’s no big thing.” 

“There was definitely a whole library full of books that could have helped you do your job better,” Angus rushes out under his breath. His face brightens, and he gets louder as he says, “but that doesn’t matter because you read my Caleb Cleveland novel! Oh my gosh sir, this is so exciting! You can borrow the other books from me whenever you want. And, oh! I can re-read them again so that all the events will be fresh in my mind. You know, so we can discuss the mysteries together!” 

“That’s dumb,” Taako says, leaning against the counter. 

“Oh—oh, right.” Angus’ enthusiasm has evaporated. “Of course, we don’t have to—” 

“Yeah, if we’re both going to be reading the same books at the same time, we should just read them together.” 

“Sir?” 

“You can read out loud while I cook and stuff,” Taako offers. “It’s about time you started earning your keep around here,” he tacks on, because he has an _image_ to uphold, for Istus’ sake! 

“Oh!” Taako swears Angus’ eyes are literally shining, like some fantasy anime shit. “I’d—sir, I’d love that!” 

“Yeah, yeah. Hey, listen, think we can rope Krav into this, too? I bet he’d do accents for all the characters, and I bet they’d all be super embarrassing.” Taako cackles. 

“Do you, um. Do you think Mr. Kravitz would be interested? He is the Grim Reaper, sir, and they are books for children.” Angus rubs the back of his neck. 

“Oh, so Kravitz is too good for Kelly Clarkson—” 

“Caleb Cleveland.” 

“—but I’m not? You thought those children’s books were right on my level, huh? I see how it is.” 

“Sir, no, that’s not what I meant!” Angus has run over to Taako and is hopping from foot to foot, fists balled up in front of his chest. “They’re really more geared towards young adults, anyway!” 

“Chillax, boychik.” Taako puts his hands on his knees and bends so he can look Angus right in the eye. “I’m messing with you,” he stage-whispers. 

“Oh.” 

Taako straightens, mushing Angus’ cap down and ruffling it a little as he walks towards the table. “So, drawing, huh?” He leans over Angus’ closed sketchbook. “Mind if I take a look?”

Angus spins, still trying to fix his cap and clearly disoriented from the abrupt subject change. “Um. I guess not?” He walks over beside Taako. “It’s nothing private, but uh, they’re not very good because I haven’t practiced much, and most of them are just copies of reference pictures from books and things, so it’s not very original, and the whole point of art is to be original, so—”

“Shit, Angles, these are really good!” Taako has already flipped open the sketchbook and paged through a few drawings, ignoring Angus’ rambling. They’re mostly plant and animal sketches, some clearly copied out of encyclopedias or botanical textbooks. Taako is pretty sure some of these birds are the kinds that visit the feeder they have out back, and he wonders if Angus used them as live models. The drawings are clearly done by a child with a cheap fantasy number two pencil, but he can tell what everything is supposed to be, which is more than can be said about any art he would be able to do. 

“Drawing lessons, huh?” Taako mumbles. “You should. Uh.” He coughs. “You should talk to Cre—Lucretia. About that.” He looks up to find Angus staring at him. “She studied art for a long time, yaknow. Got pretty good at it. I’m sure she’d be happy to give you some pointers.” 

“And you would be ok with that?” Angus’ eyes are wide. Lucretia had moved back to the moon not too long ago, and her brief stay under Taako’s roof had been filled with tension on the good days and outright yelling on the bad. 

Taako coughs again. Much as he wishes he could wrap Angus up in blankets and keep him far away from her manipulative, selfish grasp forever, he knows that’s not how it works. “Doesn’t really matter if I’m ok with it, does it? You’re your own person, and I know you’re not going to cut Madame Director out just like that.” 

Angus looks down. 

Taako sighs. “Look, I’m not exactly going to be buddy-buddy with Lucretia anytime soon, but I’m not going to make you, like, delete her number from your stone of farspeech. Just, maybe, don’t expect me to come with you to art lessons, ok?” 

Angus wraps his arms around Taako’s waist. “Thanks, Taako.” 

Taako freezes for a moment, then returns the hug. “Careful, Ango. You’re literally cramping my style.” 

“Sorry, sir!” Angus pulls back, smiling up at Taako. 

Taako has to look away before his chest explodes, so he turns his attention back to the sketchbook, absently thumbing through some more pages. “Oh, dip,” he says, stopping on a drawing that takes up the whole page. It’s the _Starblaster,_ rendered accurately from what he assumes is Angus’ memory. Leave it to Mr. Detective Brain to keep track of all the details. Angus has drawn it in flight, bond engine alight. There’s no Hunger in sight, just the dark background of space and a hundred imagined constellations. 

“Can you make me a copy of this one?” Taako asks, turning back to look at Angus. 

“You can just, uh, have the original if you want,” Angus says, looking a little puzzled. 

“You sure?” 

Angus carefully creases the perforated edge and tears the page out, handing it to Taako. “Yeah, I don’t know if I could do an exact copy, anyway.” 

Taako holds the page gingerly by the edges. “Gotta get this one framed,” he says, more to himself than Angus. 

“You want to frame it?” Oh, no. The shining eyes are back. 

“Natch. Do you think it would look better in the entryway or the living room? Maybe the hallway?” This is fine. If Taako just ploughs on, he will never have to acknowledge whatever Angus’ face is doing right now. 

“Um. You want to hang it on the wall?” 

“Well, duh. What else would I do with a framed picture? Come on, detective, that one was easy.” 

Angus just stands there for a minute, hands clasped in front of him, mouth slightly agape. “Um. I think there’s more wallspace in the living room,” he finally gets out. 

Taako nods. “Good thinking. It can go over by the bookshelf with all of Dav’s souvenirs and Maggie’s ducks.” He’s walking into the living room now, holding the drawing up to visualize it. “Thanks, Ango. This is just what the room needed.” 

“Um.” Angus is trailing behind Taako, clutching his sketchbook to his chest. “I’m glad you like it, sir.” 

“Do you take commissions?” 

“Commissions, sir?” 

“Eh, forget it, we can work out the details later.” Taako waves his hand as if to dismiss the idea. “First thing’s first, we need to get you more art supplies.” 

“Oh, no, sir, that’s really not necessary,” Angus tries, but Taako waves his hand again. 

“I’m not letting Lucretia think I don’t know about fancy art shit. You are going to have proper materials before you go see her, and that’s final.” Taako stomps a little, literally putting his foot down. 

“If you say so, sir. Um. Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it, bubbeleh.” Taako sets the drawing down on the bookshelf and flops onto the couch. “What’s your medium? Pencil, obviously, but anything else? Ink? Watercolors? Charcoal?” 

Angus sits down beside him, sketchbook balanced on his knees. “I never thought about it before. This is really just a hobby, sir, you don’t have to get me a bunch of stuff.” 

“Nah, you need to experiment a little,” Taako says. “Tell you what. We’ll go to the shops in Neverwinter together and you can pick out some stuff that looks good.” 

“Really?” Taako has a sneaking suspicion that if he looked over, Angus’ eyes would be doing that annoying starry thing. Again. Ugh. “That would be amazing, sir!” 

When they go shopping a few days later, Taako keeps an eye on him while he browses, grabbing up anything that Angus lingers over for more than a few seconds. Angus argues that, since he’s a beginner, he should just get the cheapest versions of everything. Taako is not having it. 

“Absolutely not. How will you know if you really like using something if you only try the shittiest version of it?” Taako puts the generic colored pencils back on the rack, reaching instead for a pack that comes with a fancy case. “Besides, this cheap junk does not fit with the Taako Brand.” 

Angus goes home that day with more pens, pencils, and paints than he can carry on his own, along with a new sketchpad and a booklet of watercolor paper. It soon becomes common to spot the young detective set up at his desk or sprawled out on the back porch with his tools of creation spread out around him. The fantasy refrigerator in Taako’s kitchen grows more colorful each day as Angus donates pieces to the Merle’s Arm Memorial Museum of Art™, and there is no shortage of avid patrons in the house waiting to fawn over each new installment. In the living room, a thick black frame protects a picture of a spaceship zipping through the stars.

* * *

Taako is trying out this whole “being invested in people” thing, along with the “actually taking care of Angus” thing, so he notices when the boy detective starts to act weird. It’s subtle at first. Taako thinks he might be imagining it or blowing it out of proportion, but as time goes on, it becomes more and more prominent. 

He brings it up one night after Angus has gone to bed. He, Magnus, Merle, Lup, Barry, and Kravitz are sitting around the living room, overfull from dinner and maybe a little wine drunk. Well, Taako at least has had half a bottle of Riesling, which is perhaps what emboldens him to say, “Have you guys noticed something off about Angus lately?” 

The reaction is immediate. Everyone sits up straighter, identical looks of concern across their faces. “What do you mean?” Magnus asks, hands stilled over the carving he had been working on. 

“I don’t know exactly. He just seems. Quieter? More subdued?” 

Barry lifts one shoulder in a half-shrug. “He’s a shy kid, Taako. Maybe he’s freaked out with all the new people around.” 

Taako shakes his head. Angus is bookish, sure, but Taako wouldn’t describe the kid as “shy.” Way back on the Rockport Limited, he’d jumped straight into conversation with three strangers with no problem. He’d also adjusted to life at the Bureau pretty much immediately, and there had been way more unfamiliar faces there. “I don’t think it’s that,” he says. “He’s also been kind of nervous-looking. Jumpy. I don’t know how to explain it. He’s just. Off.” 

“What do you mean by that?” Merle leans forward, scratching his beard. 

“I just said I don’t know how to explain it, dipshit!” Taako sighs. “Ok, like, usually the kid is bounding around at 110%, all full of that youthful exuberance and shit. Lately, I don’t know. I asked him about his detective work the other day and he barely rambled at all! He was downright coherent!” 

“Now that is strange,” Merle chuckles, but he still wears that concerned look. He’s been acting like he cares about Angus a little more since the Day of Story and Song. Getting their memories back has seemed to make everyone slightly less immature and dickish. Slightly. Plus, Merle is making an effort with his own kids now. Taako figures the dadliness automatically carries over. 

“Not to contribute to the paranoia, but I have noticed him eating less.” Lup fidgets. “He hasn’t been getting seconds like usual, and he’s slower to eat what he does put on his plate. I thought he had just finally quit going through that growth spurt, but now I don’t know.” 

Taako feels a stab of panic in his gut. He’d been half-hoping they’d all tell him he was overreacting, so he could tell himself to stop worrying. “Is he sick? What do we do?” 

“Have you tried talking to him?” Oh, sweet Kravitz. Clearly, he underestimates the depths of Taako’s inability to communicate about anything serious. 

Taako gives him a look. 

“Asked and answered, I guess.” Kravitz shakes his head, smiling slightly. “Let me rephrase: maybe you should try talking to him.” 

Taako turns and smushes his face into the couch cushions. “But then we might end up talking about gross emotions,” he says, muffled.

“Isn’t that the point? Don’t you want to know what’s going on with him?” 

Still pressing his face into the couch, Taako lets out a long groan. “Fine, yes, you’re right.” He sits up and faces the room at large. “How do I even...do that, though?” 

Barry snorts, and Lup elbows him. 

“Just let him know you’re there for him,” Merle advises. “Listen if he’s willing to talk. Don’t push too hard, or you might push him away.”

Taako rolls his eyes. “Ok, old man. Get a load of Dad of the Year over here,” he says, gesturing at Merle with his thumb. 

Merle flips him off. 

“He’s right,” Magnus says, ignoring it when Taako glares at him. “Kid’s been through a lot. Maybe now that he’s safe it’s all finally catching up to him.”

Lup nods. “It’s got to be hard for him to process, and he could probably use some adults in his corner. Just check in on him every once in a while, ok? We’ll do the same.” 

Taako sighs. “Ok.” Who knew parenting could be so stressful?

* * *

“Angus,” Taako calls from the kitchen, wiping his wet hands on a towel as the fantasy dishwasher hums to life. When he gets no response, he goes into the living room and yells up the stairs. “Ango McDango!” 

Still no response. Taako frowns. “Angus?” There’s no sound of feet thundering down the hall, no half-panicked “coming, sir!” as Angus scrambles to put his things away. Not that he needs the kid to be literally at his beck and call, but by now he’s grown accustomed to Angus bonking into walls and scattering papers everywhere in his eagerness to see what Taako wants. Radio silence is unexpected and a little concerning. 

As Taako walks up the stairs, he calls Angus’ name a few more times. He knocks gently on Angus’ door, feeling a pang of panic when there is still no response. A dozen worst-case scenarios run through his mind in the time it takes him to get the door open, but they recede just as quickly when he spots Angus, curled up on the window seat with his knees clutched to his chest. 

Was the little nerd just wrapped up in a book? That would be very in-character of him, Taako thinks with a smile. But no, although there’s a book beside him, Angus isn’t reading it, instead staring downward at his knees. That doesn’t seem promising. Taking a deep breath, Taako steps forward and puts a hand on Angus’ shoulder. 

Angus jumps, clearly surprised to see Taako there. 

“You alright, pumpkin? I’ve been calling your name for a while.” He’s going for soothing with his facial expression, but he’s not sure he manages it. Angus still looks spooked. 

“Sorry, sir. Just got a little lost in thought, I guess.” Angus shoots him a wobbly smile that does nothing to ease Taako’s worry. 

Ok, he can do this. What did Merle say? Listen to him, but don’t push. “More than a little lost,” Taako says with a snort. “What’s on your mind, boychik?” There. That sounded casual and normal and not at all like the alarm bells that have been going off in Taako’s head during this whole interaction. 

Angus flounders for a moment. “Mysteries?” he offers with a shrug, and hoo boy. For a detective, the kid is tragically bad at lying. 

The fact remains that Angus was attempting to lie, which means he doesn’t want to tell Taako what he was really thinking about, which means whatever it was was bad, which means Taako definitely needs to know about it. He could probably get him to crack with minimal pressure, but as much as Taako wants to know what’s going on with his boy, it wouldn’t be right to force Angus to spill his guts. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, mijo,” Taako says instead, barely noticing the term of endearment until it’s out of his mouth. And isn’t that telling, that something like that could slip out of someone as reticent as Taako? He’s in too deep, but he’ll think about that later. “I’m just worried about you,” he adds, then distances himself with, “we all are.” 

“Worried?” Angus asks, and he seems genuinely confused. As if he thought Taako wouldn’t notice that something was up. As if Taako wouldn’t care. 

“You’ve been so quiet lately,” Taako starts, hoping to prompt some kind of explanation from Angus. “You’ve only been picking at your food these last few days, and I know that wasn’t because you didn’t like it. Everything Lup and I make is delish, natch.” It’s weak, as far as jokes go, but it helps Taako mask how freaked out he’s been since Lup pointed out Angus’ eating habits and Taako started noticing the pattern himself. 

It gets a smile out of Angus, at least. 

_Let him know you’re there for him._ “You can talk to us if you need to, ok?” he says, sitting on the window seat at Angus’ feet. “I know I’m not...I’m not the best with the touchy-feely stuff.” Understatement. This conversation alone is giving Taako a rash. “Taako’s good out here, and all that. But I get it if…” he pauses, trying to collect his thoughts. Lup was right, the kid probably doesn’t know how to process everything he’s been through. Taako doesn’t know how to handle it all, and he’s an adult. “The Hunger, everything that happened, it was really hard for everyone. I understand if you need time to work through it, but don’t keep it bottled up.” 

Taako wishes Lup were here. She’d do a better job. Any of them would, really. Why is he the one having this conversation? Oh, gods, Angus is going to be horribly traumatized and Taako has no idea how to fix it. 

When he looks over at Angus, though, the boy looks more calm. His eyes are wide, but he’s smiling slightly. Huh. 

Taako hops up and goes to leave the room. As he does, he remembers why he had been looking for Angus in the first place. “Came to tell you that Lup is organizing game night,” he calls over his shoulder. “Cards Against Faerûn tournament begins in 10, come down if you want." 

After he closes the door behind him, Taako leans against the wall in the hallway for a moment. That was...not as bad as it could have been. No one cried, at least. Taako doesn’t know what he would have done if there had been crying. 

He doesn’t feel any closer to understanding what’s wrong with Angus, nor does he feel like he did much to fix whatever the problem is. He did what Merle suggested, though. Whether or not Angus decides to take him up on it, Taako made it clear that the kid can talk to him. It’s a huge step for Taako that simultaneously feels like not enough at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: lots of Taako's feelings re: Angus in this fic (specifically towards the beginning of this chapter) are lifted directly from journal entries I wrote when I first started student teaching. Also the art scene is there because I miss being bombarded by an army of Smol Teens showing me their sketchbooks at lunch. Apparently writing this is how I cope with school closures and being away from students. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
